After struggling to conceive for nearly a year, in addition to family, my husband and I made a decision to open up to a small circle of friends for emotional support. I had lost my mom a year and a half earlier and facing infertility was another painful blow. Our struggle ended up turning into a seven-year journey. During that time, we both knew we needed people praying for us and helping us emotionally as we navigated these uncharted waters. Our circle was such a blessing. Do you have a circle of friends or family willing to walk with you, cry with you, pray with you, and celebrate with you as you fight the infertility fight…even if it’s a circle of one? If not, have you considered a community of women who battled infertility and want to encourage other women and couples? Fighting infertility can feel so lonely, but you don’t have to do it alone.
I am a loyal friend. I am that friend whose friends come to for counsel, an honest assessment of a situation, and a listening ear. I have often said—and friends have suggested—that I probably should have become a counselor because I do not get tired of encouraging my friends when they need an emotional boost. I am so honored that they trust me enough to be transparent with their emotions and feelings. When I realized that becoming a mom was not going to be “easy”, I recognized that I needed someone to lean on. This was not a time to pretend that I had it all together. I knew I had a friend I could shed a tear with when my period came right on time. I was thankful I had girlfriends I could call in my despair when my doctor told me at my 20-week appointment that there was no heartbeat. Those friends provided comfort on some painful days. They let me cry, they hugged me, they came and sat with me when I had yet another miscarriage, they prayed for me, they listened to me, they encouraged me, and then, celebrated with my husband and I when we had our daughter.
I know that sense of desperation that consumes you because you feel like you’re running out of time, time based on either the timetable you created for your life or your stubborn biological clock—I entered my 40s still longing to have a baby. I know that fear that grips you at the thought of having another miscarriage or stillbirth. I understand the internal struggle between your mind telling you it simply is not going to happen and your heart unwilling to let go of the possibility that it could. Fighting infertility can feel like a very lonely place, like no one understands your heartache and pain. But I also know that having someone to talk to can help you breathe……help you process things……remind you that you are not alone. Not all of the few girlfriends that walked closely with me on this journey had experienced a miscarriage and none had suffered a heartbreaking stillbirth. Yet, each cared for me and made themselves available to me. That was enough.
If you do not have your own circle, consider finding an infertility community or blogs by women who have been where you are—I have written some at 7yearstosymone.com. Also, let my story SEVEN YEARS TO SYMONE: Finding Faith to Overcome Infertility and Have a Baby After 40 encourage you. My memoir of loss and hope, fear and courage, faith and the gift of Symone:
Facing infertility can be gut-wrenching. Rather than face it alone, create your circle of support sooner rather than later. And if you do not have a circle of family or friends with whom you can share this experience, leverage the community of women who, like me, are passionate about encouraging future moms-to-be. Find hope and inspiration to fight for your fertility, in faith, from my story SEVEN YEARS TO SYMONE: Finding Faith to Overcome Infertility and Have a Baby After 40.
